Another month where moviewise, the good far outweighed the bad. Karmically, I fear my luck may be running out, so I’m going to enjoy it while I can. I’m dreading the prospect of a month where I hate everything I’ve seen, but it’s coming, so prepare yourself to laugh at my expense. I don’t mind, so sit back and relax as I wreak havoc.
The Pit – The story: Alienated middle schooler feeds his enemies to a pit of…some kind of trolls. Prehistoric people. Extras in bad ape masks. I hate this movie not for what it is but what it could have been. Without the ridiculous and unwarranted creepy monsters in a pit angle, we have the story of a cold, sociopathic child that could have been a precursor to We Need To Talk About Kevin. There are several instances of creepy, stomach churning moments, particularly when the boy plots the murder of his babysitter with his teddy bear, eyes glowing malignantly and somehow viciously sentient, or when he phones in a threat to his teacher and photographs her stripping bare in her front window under promise of personal harm to her friend, but this is all cast aside in favor of an unfunny montage of tricking people into falling into the hole and being devoured by the voracious monkey finks. Bravo, defeat was successfully snatched from the jaws of victory. This would be the equivalent of staging a production of the Godfather with the animatronics at Chuck E. Cheese.
Pathology – I didn’t watch this one, my pre-med kid sister did. She hated it. We have a group of sophisticated thrill killers dispatching hapless souls to compete in a trivial contest of “how’d they die?”. Sounds like the next reality tv craze. I read rave reviews, but I have to admit, it comes off a tad self indulgent, even for Cinemaglob. I’m paraphrasing Cyd: “This movie made me want to puke, in a bad way. Pointless, with absolutely no respect for the dead.” Apparently movie snarkery runs in the family. Cyd did well in her cadaver dissection class, so expect “Cinemaglob Kills Me!” on the GameShow Network this fall.
Class of Nuke ‘Em High II & III – Flat out stupid, no redeeming qualities, and Troma forgot why the first picture worked at all. Tasteless capitalist cash in on the surprise popularity of the original, and a case of De-evolution in action.
Till next month, revel in as much filmic goodness as you can, and don’t take any wooden nickels or watch hateful movies.